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Ten Things Only Industry Insiders Believe About CableCARD

Michael Vizard over at eWeek inspired me with his “10 Things They Believe in Silicon Valley but Nowhere Else.” Please note that the list below is my attempt at humor and does not in any way indicate the real opinions of Motorola, cable companies, industry reporters, or anyone else I’ve offended.

mcard.jpg

10 Things Only Industry Insiders Believe About CableCARD

  1. CableCARD is a conspiracy that was started by TiVo (Humor, people, humor)
  2. CableCARD is a conspiracy that was created to keep Todd Spangler and Jeff Baumgartner in businessmcredit.jpg
  3. The seven-oh-seven deadline was originally six-six-six
  4. CableCARDs come with a line of credit and can be used at select local retail outlets instead of your Visa or Mastercard
  5. Two-way CableCARDs mean not only can you get video-on-demand and switched digital video, you can now send messages to Brian Roberts through your cable set-top
  6. Multi-stream CableCARDs generate multiple revenue streams per subscriber household and therefore greater ARPUmplayingcards.jpg
  7. CableCARDs were designed so the government can monitor our VoIP (er, I mean digital voice) phone calls
  8. The FCC is going to educate the public about CableCARDs by sponsoring the next World Poker Tour
  9. EBay is setting up special auctions for non-CableCARD set-tops that need to be sold after July 1st
  10. CableCARD 2.0 comes with social networking features that let you add VOD channels to your MySpace, Facebook and LinkedIn profiles